November 30, 2009

  • Monday Chuckles

     

     

    ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT

    A young man named David received a parrot as a gift.

    The parrot really had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

    Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. David tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.



    Finally though, David was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. David shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and ruder!


    In desperation, David threw up his hands, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer!
    For a few minutes the parrot squawked,  kicked and screamed... then suddenly there was total quiet! Not a peep was heard for over a minute!
    Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, David quickly opened the door to the freezer and the parrot calmly stepped out onto David's outstretched arms and said, "I  believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions... I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions, and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
    David was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude and as he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"


     

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    GOODBYE MOM

    A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.  If he stopped, she stopped.  Furthermore she kept staring at him.

    She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

    He answered, "That's okay."

    "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

    She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

    The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

    Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

    "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

    "How come so much?  I only bought 5 items."

    The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said
    You'd be paying for her things, too."

     

     

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