Cookie Mix

1 cup of water

2 cups flour 
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequilla

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the
Cuervo  again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one
level cup and  drink.  Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one
cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of
sugar...Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try
another cup... just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy.  Break 2
leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick
the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried
druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a
drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet.
Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your
nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever
you can find.  Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't
forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the
window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in
the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS, EBERBOVY!!!