September 17, 2010

• Thank Buddly, it's Friday!!!

   

   

  Seriously, it's Friday. Joe Friday!

  All we want are the facts, maam. Just the facts!

  

  Ya just gotta love that face!

  Since it's almost beer-thirty, I'ma heading for home!

  

  

  As my last official act at work today I'll leave you a funny and a few things to ponder.

   

  A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, "What would you like, sir?"
  
  He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."
  
  The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?" Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."
  
  This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
  
  A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, Pal, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."
  

  
  -----------------------------------------------

  
  
  
  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  
  If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  
  The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  
  I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  
  What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  
  If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  
  If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  
  Is there another word for synonym?
  
  Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
  
  What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  
  If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?
  
  Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  
  Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  
  If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  
  Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  
  If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  
  Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
  
  How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
  
  What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  
  One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
  
  Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
  
  Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  
  How is it possible to have a civil war?
  
  If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
  
  If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  
  If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  
  Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
  
  Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
  
  Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

  
  Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  
  If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
  
  Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
  ----------------------------------------------------

  Have a great weekend everybody!

  

   

   

  • 3:30 pm
  • 27 Comments