February 3, 2010
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The Nightmare
I'm nude in bed........and as I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, I discovered that I am a Negro and that I'm circumcised!Quickly I sat up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver's license photo and it was that same color. Black.
I see needle tracks on my arms, and my Med-Alert bracelet reads HIV positive!
I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair.
But it's a wheelchair!!
That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled!!!
I said to myself aloud, This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black, Jewish and disabled.
It's the pure and holy truth, whispers someone from behind me. I turn around and it's my boyfriend.Just what I needed!!! I am a homosexual and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend.
Oh, my God ... black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict and HIV-positive!!!
Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair and Oh, Noooooo ... I'm bald!!!
The telephone rings.
It's my brother. He is saying, Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap ... any job..
Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo.... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan!
I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald and an orphan.
But he doesn't get it.
Frustrated, I hang up.
It's then I realize I only have one hand!!!
With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out.
I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.
Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker ..... pacemaker?
Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.
At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, "Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heart throb, have you decided what you are going to wear to Washington to see Obama?"
Say it isn't so!!! I can handle being a black, disabled, one-armed, drug-addicted, Jewish homosexual on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please,
Oh, Dear GOD,
please don't tell me I'm a Democrat, too!
Comments (29)
Man, hold on a minute while I stop laughing. That was hilarious.
I don't care who you are... that's funny! My brother, a rabid republican, will love this....
Wow. This is really funny! I have to share this one with the Hubs. He'll die.
HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA OH OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tell me it isn't soooooo!
I just re read this...a sharp pain in my pacemaker ...that really made me laugh.
OH god I'm gonna copy and send this to my FOX news loving mother. She will adore it!
ps. it is FUNNY! see? Liberals have a sense of humor too!
I agree with the poster who says they don't agree with your politics but they like your sense of humor.
TD and I are sitting here laughing our asses off.
Not a democrat!!!! Is there anything worse??? Well maybe a vegatarian???
@WakeUpLaughing - Speechless? That's a first! lol
@seedsower - I've been in worse places. West Virginia is just across the river!
@crO_Oner - Please do. I'll try to offend women, Asians, and Special Ed kids next.
@Ricardo98 - LOL! And that's the one true part!
@Babyboomerjill - Nowhere, it seems. lol
@ZSA_MD - Thanks, mom of Saadia. Tongue was firmly planted in cheek when I posted it.
@tialoca_talks - The righteous bend? Me? Never.
@pinkmojomama - I think it was a stolen cell phone. lol
I'm going to suspend my assumptions for now and keep reading...
Dang! Circumcised! The worst.
@buddly47 - What? You did not want to be a disabled, one-armed, drug-addicted, Afro-Asian, mentaly disfunctional Siamese triplet, Jewish,homosexual on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned,
unemployed, lives in a slum and has a Mexican boyfriend trans gener woman?
I wondered where this was going?
This was hilarious, and so worth a read this morning. Loved it. Thanks for the smiles and the laugh.
ROFL!
How do you get phone service in a shack? Is that the $1.99 a month thing the offer on tv if you're on welfare, food stamps, or your kids are on free lunch? *smirk*
@doahsdeer - If I had read your post first, I would have made him one of a set of Afro-Asian, mentaly disfunctional Siamese triplets, and satisfied two of Seedsower's objections!
for a minute, i thought yu'd gone round the righteous bend....welcome back...hahahahahaahah
I may not agree with your politics, but I love your sense of humor.
@seedsower - I'm an equal opportunity offender! lol
All you left out are women and Asians and retards.
Comments are closed.