August 12, 2009

  • Smile......It's Hump Day


     

    A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist,
    looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide'

    The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

    The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

    The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy!
    I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law!
    I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of
    bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

    The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
    in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now,
    that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription    .


    ======================================================================

    After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening,
    when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't
    in quite sometime.

    It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began
    moving down past the small of her back.

    He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down
    over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

    He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed
    past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently
    over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

    Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost
    portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side,
    then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch the TV.


    As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a
    loving voice, 'That was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

    He said , 'I found the remote'


    ======================================================================

    While discussing the upcoming Universal Health Care Program with my
    sister-in-law the other day, I think we have found the solution.
    I am sure you have heard the ideas that if you're a senior you need
    to suck it up and give up the idea that you need any health care.
    A new hip? Unheard of. We simply can't afford to take care of you
    anymore. You don't need any medications for your high blood pressure,
    diabetes, heart problems, etc. Let's take care of the young people.
    After all, they will be ruling the world very soon.

    So here is the solution. When you turn 70, you get a gun and 4 bullets.
    You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives.
    Of course, you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day,
    a roof over your head and all the health care you need!!!
    New teeth, great!!! Need glasses, no problem. New hip, knee, kidney,
    lung, heart? Well bring it on. And who will be paying for all of this.
    The same government that just told you that you are too old for health
    care. And, since you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income tax.

    I really think we have a Perfect Solution!!!


     

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